“Just BS” Can Change Your Relationships Forever
Growing up, my father was a difficult person to deal with. He was mostly angry and would shout at my mom for the smallest things. In contrast, my mom was a serial smiler. I could never understand why she smiled so much, even when my dad was yelling at her. But then she told me, “It’s just B.S.” I didn’t quite understand what she meant, but I soon found out.
My dad had this habit of making us sit through live telecasts of his favorite soap opera in which he would play the role of the judge, jury, and executioner, and I mostly ended up being the culprit. No matter how hard I tried to make things better, he would always find something to shout at. Everything from the milkman not showing up to the tap running dry was somehow my fault.
One Sunday, I finally decided to confront him. Armed with facts, I was ready to explode, but just then, the doorbell rang. As my dad got busy attending to the guest, I stormed into the kitchen and confronted my mom instead. I was frustrated and asked her how she could put up with this unending saga. Her response was simple: “Just BS.” Confused, I asked her if she even knew what that meant. She said, “Yes, Just BS. Just breath and smile.” I tried to tell her that’s not what it meant, but she insisted that’s exactly what was needed.
Years later, during the COVID lockdown, we lost my mom, and home became hell with the soap operas on repeat. But then, one night, my dad charged into my room accusing me of not taking care of him. I was irritated and wanted to give it back, but then he said he needed to go to the hospital. At that moment, my heart sank, and I realized how much I truly cared for him.
After examining my dad, the doctor mentioned that it was a severe case of tinnitus, a medical condition in which he heard a loud imaginary sound that made him uncomfortable. He prescribed medication, but more importantly, I had to help my dad through it. I realized I had been given a second chance, and I didn’t want to waste it.
In the hospital, I took a deep breath, smiled, hugged him and said, “I’m sorry, dad. I love you very much.” He responded with, “I love you too.” It was a special moment for both of us, and I learned the power of “Just BS.” This simple mantra can get your heart and mind in the right place to be able to love and not hate, to care and ignore..
To all of you reading this, if you’re being poked or irritated by a loved one, don’t give up on them just yet. They may be suffering deeply and desperately need an emotional balm. Reach out to them with love. It’s not as difficult as it seems; actually, it’s as easy as “Just BS.”
