The magic of purpose — How I found my emotional panacea
The emotional breakdown:
In May of 2020, I was down, so down that I couldn’t speak with anyone, In fact I didn’t want to continue living, I could only think of the day when I’d be able to reunite with my mother. Before that point in my life, I was the supreme optimist, but last year I felt dumped by life, ignored and vulnerable. Dear reader friend, for 10 years I felt bonded in chains.
2010 to 2020 was a downward spiral for me, I got divorced, incurred a huge debt and even a Tsunami of misfortune hit my already troubled life, when I lost my mother. I felt helpless. When you can’t blame anyone, anymore, you start blaming yourself. I started looking back in retrospect, to think if there was anything else that I could have done to avert these tragedies. I started living in the past. COVID magnified my misery, the comfort of my home became a medium to reminisce the wonderful times I shared with my mom and realise how painful it was to live without her.
This had become a routine and a way out was difficult, I couldn’t focus my energies on work and I was losing my greatest strength; optimism. Friends and family reached out and tried to help, but this was a life changing moment for me and I was stuck with the victimitis syndrome. Helplessness is a dangerous thing, it tempts good people into thinking they are worthless. Days became weeks, and weeks turned to months. The thought of my mother not being was slowly squeezing the goodness and the life out of me.
My family was concerned and advices started to pour in, to a level that it got irritating, I felt no one could fathom the pain and sorrow I was in, but was jumping with solutions, To avoid people’s unsolicited panaceas, I started hiding my true emotions and things worsened.
The realization:
One day, out of the blue, I got a call from one of my friends, George. George mentioned to me that he was having issues as a leader of his team and wanted my help. I agreed, for it was right up my alley. After a long time, I felt in control, I was supposed to give advice, rather than take it. As I started interacting with him regularly, I learned more from the experience than probably what George might have learned from me.
I realised that in the pandemic, millions too had lost loved ones; teenagers their parents, husbands their wives and families were destroyed. Till then I was in OZ like Dorothy wearing shades of gloom, thinking that the whole world was against me. However, I soon understood that I was just one of the multitudes of people who were fighting a daily survival battle.
Helping George tackle his professional woes also made be happier, for I was creating and I was solving and I was helping, I felt ecstatic at moments. I realised that I still could be happy even if there was a shroud of gloom. As I started paying attention to things, gradually I became aware that my mother lives in me and in the many ways I do things. It is because of her that I learned so many things and that she did it not only for me but for so many people and that she lives in all of us through her legacy and with this she transcended death.
This realization made me courageous, but flexible and forgiving. I thought, Yes, I too could transcend death, if I lived a life of purpose and yes I still miss my mom and await the day I will reunite with her, till then I will thank God for every morning and work hard for every evening but no longer will I be bonded in chains.
The process of healing:
It took a few weeks to be razor focussed and find out the narrower path of my true purpose in life. Through my experience of recovering from an emotional breakdown, I found out that there are essentially 4 levels of emotional recovery which every person goes through. These emotional states are:
L1 — To hate:
This is the nadir. It is an emotional state where the person hates almost everything that does not resonate with him and is in a downward spiral. Hate has other traits, such as anger, jealousy, selfishness, blame, etc. If it persists longer, it can have serious emotional degeneration. It drives the person into a sense of worthlessness and to constantly live in the past, locked in self-isolation. He needs support as he feels a lack of control which is driving him nuts.
L2 — To ignore:
As the person gets on with life, he enters the next emotional state. In this state he starts ignoring his emotional problems and tries to focus his energies on his work and other priorities. He has bouts of hate, but he is able to come out of his fit of hatred quickly and is able to handle priorities well. In this state the person is in constant need of validation and deals with frustrations from time to time.
L3 – To forgive:
In this state, the individual understands that they are only few controllables and many uncontrollables. He makes peace with things he can’t control and discovers the power of forgiveness. He learns from the past and is peaceful and more accepting.
L4 – To love:
This is the final state of emotional healing where the person is in deep love either with another person or an idea or a thing. As he pursues his passion, he is in a state of bliss and enjoys a sense of fulfilment even in doing his daily chores. He is more productive, helpful and has a positive outlook towards life. If this state is linked to a purpose, it can be a lifelong state of healing.
The recovery from L1 — L4 happens through two ways mainly:
1. Painfully slow and evolutionary:
This process can be excruciatingly slow and many people give up before reaching L4. Most times the recovery is accidental and not planned.
2. Quick but painful through a life changing experience.
Emotional healing can happen quickly, however it also is incidental to a life changing experience which challenges the belief system and compels the person to make a paradigm shift.
However, through my perils, I realised that there is an easier third option:
3. The pursuit of a purpose:
A person who feels that he is emotionally bonded in chains or dumped by life, starts at L1. The severity of the affliction depends on how much the belief system is shaken, but it needs to be addressed as it has long term detrimental effects on the physical, mental and emotional wellbeing of the person.
To break free from this bondage, each of us must tap into the spirit of purpose, which is unique to every individual. This unique sense of purpose is an anchor to tread further, to contribute, to innovate and find a sense of euphoric bliss needed to live a fulfilled life.
Find out where you fit in the levels of emotional healing and use your energies to pursue your purpose in life and nurture it. It will make your life blissful and you will discover your place in the world.
I found my flight and healing through my purpose, Why won’t you?
